So I am into a month of this new lifestyle! I have not weighed yet because I had a little to much to drink last night so I am flushing my system and will weigh tomorrow! I know, I know, no lectures. But I had a great time with some friends and I was thinking to myself that I was this young skinny hot girl. For a minute I forgot who I was.
Don't get me wrong I love myself, I have a great personalty and I am in no way shy, but I see myself sometimes as the sassy little thin diva I used to be. Sometimes that is hard when you are flirting with someone and all they see is the "real you" big butt and all. Please know that I am not being hard on myself I ate to get this way and I did this to myself but my insides sure as hell don't match my outsides. Saying that I know that I am a pretty girl but I sometimes wish that I could just take a suction cup and suck all the fat out of my body! It gets to be hard when a guy says they just want to be friends.
I have put such a barrier up that the only people that I let in are my great girl friends and my wonderful gays. I feel that I can be my true self and in turn get the truth from them. Last night when I did not get the expectation I was looking for I called my friend Gabby and she talked me down. Thanks Gabby! I guess that is what it's all about. What would we do without our support system.
I am feeling today though have I missed my mark? I am almost 36 and when I meet a guy he is either married, gay, or not interested. Is there anyone out there for me! Sorry I am not tyring to be Debbie Downer but I am feeling sorry for myself a little today. You know girls get that way once a month. So I guess I will have a good cry(and there is nothing wrong with that) pick myself up head over to my best friend's pool and have a great weekend. All I can do is stay on task and move forward there is no reason for looking back!
Till tomorrow,
H
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