Borders and Boxes!

As we go along this journey of life we always have our peaks and valleys. Well I have to say that I am in a really low valley right now. During this journey of mine I have unfortunately had quite a few valleys to get through but I have always risen above and came out a little worn but still ok!

Right now I am facing a couple of things that are making me feel like I am in a box and that I can't get out. We set up these boarders for ourselves or other set them up for us and we just end up staying in the lines. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be the fat stereotype girl, or the girl who is always sick! That is not me, not the person inside. And yet it's the first thing people see.

Back in my "old life" as a dancer when I was feeling this way I had keys to the studio and at 3 am in the morning I would let myself in and dance the fuck out of what ever was in me! To this day it has been the best therapy I have ever had. When I stopped dancing the next thing I used to make myself feel better was food and every single time after I would eat I would fell worse than I did before I took my first bite.

Sometimes I feel so alone and all I want to do is scream and get myself out of this box as that I can't breathe! This might come to a shock to some of you because I am usually the happy person that people go to for comfort. But not today I have such frustrations as to why when things seem to start to go my way a really BIG bump gets in the way! Everytime it seems!

Occasionally I can understand crazy people and their rants. I mean what a release to be able to hit walls, bite people, hit yourself the amount of energy that you expel must be mind blowing! I also get why people drink or use drugs reality sucks sometimes.

I have great friends but the one person that I would love to be able to talk all this with doesn't listen so I feel so alone, which is probably why I used food in the first place to fill a void. Now that I can't use that the box is really starting to feel very small.

Don't worry about me I am sure this will pass and I knew that this was going to be hard, most things that we truly want are difficult, but I got some news that might make this all harder than I had anticipated! But I won't give up! Carpe Diem!


Thanks for listening(or reading)!

Till Tomorrow!
H