So first day back after surgery and I already miss my bed. Don't get me wrong it's so nice to see my friends but as I set here panting because I can't catch my breath it makes me miss laying down. My goal is to try to make 1:30 so I am aiming high. It amazes me how much it takes out of you when you do have surgery. I mean I am down 20 pounds feeling better than I have in a long time and BOOM they cut me and I feel like I am 80. This sucks! I have not had a cocktail for two weeks and have not hung out with my friends for that long as well. I want my life to get back to normal please!
I know that the body is an extraordinary thing and one event to upset the balance can take a month to get back in its grove. Before maybe I would not worry so much but I really want to reach my goal of 16 more pounds by August 20th and with me not being able to exercise, I am concern that I won't make my goal. Besides, the outfit that I want to wear for my b-day night won't fit if I don't get the 16 pounds off. I know, I know, next week at this time I will feel so much better and be able to do more than I am now but I am so focused that sitting in bed frustrates me.
OK that is all my venting for today! I will just move forward and know this was totally worth it and I will be feeling better soon. Until then I look forward to being back in my bed! LOL
Till Tomorrow,
H
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I'm back sort of! Oh and Weigh Day
OK my first blog since the day before my sinus surgery and it took more out of me than I expected. I am glad I got it done, don't get me wrong, but I just thought I would be feeling better than I do now. In the long run this was so worth it if it stops all the sinus infections and sickness that I get in the fall, but man I still feel like I was hit by a mac truck! I know now why I can't workout for two weeks because anytime I do something my nose starts to bleed or I just get winded and have to lay down.
OK enough of the pity party that I am having for myself, I do have to say something good came out of this the morning of surgery. So my mom and I get up at the crack of dawn (yes when I say crack I mean 4:30 am) and we get showered and dress and head down to the hospital. I am very nervous and ready for the good drugs to be given when they ask to take my weight. Well I was like ok maybe I don't want to know because I only like to weigh on my scale and their scale was the high tech to the ounce scale, what would it say? To give you a visual I was already nervous and when I a nervous I talk a lot, go figure, but now I was going to have to weigh oh at this point I was singing. What would this scale say, did I have to add disappointment to what I was already feeling. NO in fact I almost did a bell kick off the scale. I have lost 2.6 pounds from my last weigh which makes a grand total of: 19.6 pounds!
So I am 16.4 pounds from my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday! I am so excited! Now I have been full of fluid and don't plan to weigh this week only because I know that I need to get rid of the fluid and get back to my routine, but I am ending July feeling more confident than even that I can accomplish anything I set my mind too. How great is that, confidence in myself never thought that would happen. Ok well back to bed I have been up too long need to lay back down.
Till tomorrow,
H
OK enough of the pity party that I am having for myself, I do have to say something good came out of this the morning of surgery. So my mom and I get up at the crack of dawn (yes when I say crack I mean 4:30 am) and we get showered and dress and head down to the hospital. I am very nervous and ready for the good drugs to be given when they ask to take my weight. Well I was like ok maybe I don't want to know because I only like to weigh on my scale and their scale was the high tech to the ounce scale, what would it say? To give you a visual I was already nervous and when I a nervous I talk a lot, go figure, but now I was going to have to weigh oh at this point I was singing. What would this scale say, did I have to add disappointment to what I was already feeling. NO in fact I almost did a bell kick off the scale. I have lost 2.6 pounds from my last weigh which makes a grand total of: 19.6 pounds!
So I am 16.4 pounds from my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday! I am so excited! Now I have been full of fluid and don't plan to weigh this week only because I know that I need to get rid of the fluid and get back to my routine, but I am ending July feeling more confident than even that I can accomplish anything I set my mind too. How great is that, confidence in myself never thought that would happen. Ok well back to bed I have been up too long need to lay back down.
Till tomorrow,
H
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Brands and Labels!
Brands and Labels are just fine when you are shopping for clothes, shoes, and handbags, but I find that we brand and label each other everyday. I get so tried of some of the looks I get when people see me for the first time. You can see it in their eyes "why are you in the dance department?" I say this because of an incident that happened yesterday here at work.
So this guy came down to ask a question about a dance term. He had gone to facilities to ask if anyone could help him(apparently he is researching in our fine arts library and could not find a term.) Facilities told him to come see me because I did dance for 25 years I do know something. So he walks in looks at me(side note I looked super cute yesterday) and said "am I in the right department, I am looking for the dance department." I say yes you have found it how can I help you? He than says (and I love this) "well do you know anything about dance because I need help with a term is there someone I can speak with?" I tell him of my experience and that I think I can help him. He then says "Oh I did not know you don't look like a dancer." WTF ok to be fair I understand that the size I am might make someone ask that question in their head but out loud. Well guess what I was able to help him in more ways than one. I gave him the info that he wanted and even maybe gave him a lesson of don't judge a book by its cover. When he even left he said what a help I had been and that he was glad he came down to ask.
We all do it, I do it, I judge people all the time and it sucks when you are on the receiving end. I get tired of the label that because I am overweight that I don't care what I look like, I am lazy, and that clearly don't take pride in myself. Well I can say that I do give a damn what I look like I am one of the most high maintenance people I know which includes where I get my hair done, where I shop, and even where I get my nails done. As to being lazy, I not only keep my department going by going above and beyond expectation, but I also am the president of my HOA and sometimes to volunteer work so who is lazy now? The pride issue is a little different I have struggled with being proud of myself because of my weight, but right now I could not be more proud of myself I just put on a pair of capri's that I bought two years ago and could not get into. So take that!
If you could see me typing right know it's funny because these keys are being hit pretty hard right now. But next time when you see someone take a minute before you put a brand or label on them you don't know what is inside!
On a side note I am having sinus surgery in the morning(I have to be there by 6 am yuck) but this is good because I will be able to breathe and won't get as sick as I have in the past so yeah! The reason though that I am telling you this is I will be off the blog tomorrow maybe Friday but I will be back by Saturday. So wish me well but this is why I can't workout for a couple of weeks so I will heal and be back better than I am now!
So till Friday or Saturday!
H
So this guy came down to ask a question about a dance term. He had gone to facilities to ask if anyone could help him(apparently he is researching in our fine arts library and could not find a term.) Facilities told him to come see me because I did dance for 25 years I do know something. So he walks in looks at me(side note I looked super cute yesterday) and said "am I in the right department, I am looking for the dance department." I say yes you have found it how can I help you? He than says (and I love this) "well do you know anything about dance because I need help with a term is there someone I can speak with?" I tell him of my experience and that I think I can help him. He then says "Oh I did not know you don't look like a dancer." WTF ok to be fair I understand that the size I am might make someone ask that question in their head but out loud. Well guess what I was able to help him in more ways than one. I gave him the info that he wanted and even maybe gave him a lesson of don't judge a book by its cover. When he even left he said what a help I had been and that he was glad he came down to ask.
We all do it, I do it, I judge people all the time and it sucks when you are on the receiving end. I get tired of the label that because I am overweight that I don't care what I look like, I am lazy, and that clearly don't take pride in myself. Well I can say that I do give a damn what I look like I am one of the most high maintenance people I know which includes where I get my hair done, where I shop, and even where I get my nails done. As to being lazy, I not only keep my department going by going above and beyond expectation, but I also am the president of my HOA and sometimes to volunteer work so who is lazy now? The pride issue is a little different I have struggled with being proud of myself because of my weight, but right now I could not be more proud of myself I just put on a pair of capri's that I bought two years ago and could not get into. So take that!
If you could see me typing right know it's funny because these keys are being hit pretty hard right now. But next time when you see someone take a minute before you put a brand or label on them you don't know what is inside!
On a side note I am having sinus surgery in the morning(I have to be there by 6 am yuck) but this is good because I will be able to breathe and won't get as sick as I have in the past so yeah! The reason though that I am telling you this is I will be off the blog tomorrow maybe Friday but I will be back by Saturday. So wish me well but this is why I can't workout for a couple of weeks so I will heal and be back better than I am now!
So till Friday or Saturday!
H
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I am feeling really good!
Energy in underrated! I can't believe how much I have since I have started eating healthy and working out! I have always been chipper but now I am just outright peppy! Maybe to the annoyance of some but screw um I feel great.
It's funny people tell you eating right and working out will make you feel better but until you do it for yourself you don't believe them or at least I didn't but I do have a hard head. Yes I am stubborn sometimes to my own demise. But as I reflect I can honestly say if I was to have tried this two years ago I would not have been successful. I don't know how to explain it something click inside me, like a lock that had been placed in the right position to unlock. Why is that I wonder, what is different this time? Is it that I am mentally ready to face the demon that has haunted me since I was 10? Or was there no demon at all and I am realizing that now? Whatever happened I am glad that it did!
One of my students Veronica and her mom came by yesterday and said that I was glowing! It's so nice for other people to see what I am feeling it makes all of this worth it! On that subject I just have to say how supportive everyone has been through this last month, I don't think I could be as successful as I am without the support of my friends and family! I thank you all one month down, 11 months and 108 pounds to go! Thank you all!
Till Tomorrow!
H
It's funny people tell you eating right and working out will make you feel better but until you do it for yourself you don't believe them or at least I didn't but I do have a hard head. Yes I am stubborn sometimes to my own demise. But as I reflect I can honestly say if I was to have tried this two years ago I would not have been successful. I don't know how to explain it something click inside me, like a lock that had been placed in the right position to unlock. Why is that I wonder, what is different this time? Is it that I am mentally ready to face the demon that has haunted me since I was 10? Or was there no demon at all and I am realizing that now? Whatever happened I am glad that it did!
One of my students Veronica and her mom came by yesterday and said that I was glowing! It's so nice for other people to see what I am feeling it makes all of this worth it! On that subject I just have to say how supportive everyone has been through this last month, I don't think I could be as successful as I am without the support of my friends and family! I thank you all one month down, 11 months and 108 pounds to go! Thank you all!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Monday, July 19, 2010
Weigh day #4
So I have not blogged in two days because my internet was down. It is so weird how not being connected can make you feel alone, and even that you are missing out on something. So weird.
Well Saturday was weigh day #4 and I lost 3 pounds since my last weigh!!!! That brings me to 17 pounds since June 15, 2010! I am so excited. I have 19 pounds to go for my first goal which is the 36 pounds by my 36 birthday. It is July 19th and my birthday is August 20th so I have a month do you think I can do it? I sure hope so!
I am now getting in a situation where some pants are getting to big and I even have a pair of jeans on that I could not get into a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to start seeing the difference instead of just feeling the difference. I am even getting comments that people are starting to notice! This is very helpful to keep me on track. I have a pair of paints that are about 1 more size to small then I am now and I try them on every week and I almost have the buttoned! I think another 15 pounds and I will be able to wear them out. In fact these are the paints I want to wear out for my birthday! They are super cute and white so watch out!
I do have some concerns with no be able to workout. I can't believe I am saying this but I kinda miss it. I used it as something to clear my head and to have some time to myself. But I think as long as I keep my calories down I should be ok. I really think as hot as it is I could just stand outside for a hour and just sweat and maybe that would work. I know, I know, it is not that easy!
But I am feeling good knowing that I am on the right track and I can't tell you what a difference just 17 pounds makes in the way I walk and the way I feel. So onward and upward I will go!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Well Saturday was weigh day #4 and I lost 3 pounds since my last weigh!!!! That brings me to 17 pounds since June 15, 2010! I am so excited. I have 19 pounds to go for my first goal which is the 36 pounds by my 36 birthday. It is July 19th and my birthday is August 20th so I have a month do you think I can do it? I sure hope so!
I am now getting in a situation where some pants are getting to big and I even have a pair of jeans on that I could not get into a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to start seeing the difference instead of just feeling the difference. I am even getting comments that people are starting to notice! This is very helpful to keep me on track. I have a pair of paints that are about 1 more size to small then I am now and I try them on every week and I almost have the buttoned! I think another 15 pounds and I will be able to wear them out. In fact these are the paints I want to wear out for my birthday! They are super cute and white so watch out!
I do have some concerns with no be able to workout. I can't believe I am saying this but I kinda miss it. I used it as something to clear my head and to have some time to myself. But I think as long as I keep my calories down I should be ok. I really think as hot as it is I could just stand outside for a hour and just sweat and maybe that would work. I know, I know, it is not that easy!
But I am feeling good knowing that I am on the right track and I can't tell you what a difference just 17 pounds makes in the way I walk and the way I feel. So onward and upward I will go!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Friday, July 16, 2010
Waiting for my new life to begin!
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow
And feel that waves come crashing in
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you said "Be still, my love"
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again.
And you say "Just be here now
Forget about the past
You mask is wearing thin"
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
This song is by Colin Hay and I feel the lyrics are exactly what are relevant to me today. I was listening to the song this morning and just felt so fulfilled as if I know I am on my right path and even when something takes you off, you just have to get right back on.
I had a scare this week but I am fine, however I can't work out for at least 3 weeks. I was really bummed when I found this out! But I will still stay with what I am doing with my food and when I can get back to working out, I will hit it hard.
The lyrics of "When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened" is how I feel sometimes. I have achieved my goals in my dreams but when I awake I am still the same like nothing happened! But as the song goes on to say "Just be here now, forget about the past. And this is what I am trying to do. Moving forward is also loosing the baggage you had from the past.
So I will get back on the path and push on because I'm waiting for my real life to begin!
Till Tomorrow,
H
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow
And feel that waves come crashing in
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you said "Be still, my love"
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again.
And you say "Just be here now
Forget about the past
You mask is wearing thin"
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
This song is by Colin Hay and I feel the lyrics are exactly what are relevant to me today. I was listening to the song this morning and just felt so fulfilled as if I know I am on my right path and even when something takes you off, you just have to get right back on.
I had a scare this week but I am fine, however I can't work out for at least 3 weeks. I was really bummed when I found this out! But I will still stay with what I am doing with my food and when I can get back to working out, I will hit it hard.
The lyrics of "When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened" is how I feel sometimes. I have achieved my goals in my dreams but when I awake I am still the same like nothing happened! But as the song goes on to say "Just be here now, forget about the past. And this is what I am trying to do. Moving forward is also loosing the baggage you had from the past.
So I will get back on the path and push on because I'm waiting for my real life to begin!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Lovely dinner last night!
My friend who has been living with me for the last few months got a job out in Nevada and is leaving on Saturday. So to say thank you she took me to Cafe' Pacifica in Highland Park! I have been there once before and it is fantastic!
It was one of those dinner that lasts three hours as you start with a couple glasses of wine and then you proceed to your table and have a wonder staff that wait on you hand and foot. What was also so nice was the the restaurant was so quiet you could actually have a conversation. I find in some of these new trendy restaurant's they are so loud you can't even talk with the person who is standing next to you.
Now we started withe the crab cake appetizer and as many of you know crab cakes are my all time fav. We both order the three onion crusted sea bass over corn risotto with fresh carrots and green beans. Heaven! Now this was a special occasion so I did not care what I put in my mouth yesterday! I even have creme brulee for dessert. Now with this being fish the calorie count could not have been that bad right? Oh who cares this was only the second time I have ever been to this place and I was going to enjoy it! It was a gift of thanks and it was nice to take my mind off of my tests today!.
Saying that though in the middle of the night my body was like what have you done to us. This is not how we eat and punished me! But no worries back to my protein shake(if I can get it down) don't have much of an appetite I have some nerves.
Please have well wishes for me I hope I have good news to report tomorrow and can get back to the gym! I have decided that know matter what happens this will not change my goal it may take me a little long but I am strong in my heart to finish this out! I will get healthy!
Till Tomorrow!
H
It was one of those dinner that lasts three hours as you start with a couple glasses of wine and then you proceed to your table and have a wonder staff that wait on you hand and foot. What was also so nice was the the restaurant was so quiet you could actually have a conversation. I find in some of these new trendy restaurant's they are so loud you can't even talk with the person who is standing next to you.
Now we started withe the crab cake appetizer and as many of you know crab cakes are my all time fav. We both order the three onion crusted sea bass over corn risotto with fresh carrots and green beans. Heaven! Now this was a special occasion so I did not care what I put in my mouth yesterday! I even have creme brulee for dessert. Now with this being fish the calorie count could not have been that bad right? Oh who cares this was only the second time I have ever been to this place and I was going to enjoy it! It was a gift of thanks and it was nice to take my mind off of my tests today!.
Saying that though in the middle of the night my body was like what have you done to us. This is not how we eat and punished me! But no worries back to my protein shake(if I can get it down) don't have much of an appetite I have some nerves.
Please have well wishes for me I hope I have good news to report tomorrow and can get back to the gym! I have decided that know matter what happens this will not change my goal it may take me a little long but I am strong in my heart to finish this out! I will get healthy!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
New Day Sort Of!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes yesterday, I know I sounded like a crazy person. But yesterday is gone and we have started a new day! My friend Kim and I are cleaning out the dance office here at SMU. It feels good to purge all the old crap from this office!
So as you can see I did not jump off a bridge, bite someone, or hit my head against the wall last night. I did just have a quiet night with my tissues and my DVR. I got caught up on some of my shows. Through out the evening though food never came to mind. I just cried and watched TV and just like cleaning the office, the crying was like the purging I needed to do for myself last night.
You wonder why I all the sudden have gone off the deep end. Well I have some tests tomorrow and that is all I want to say for now. I am frustrated because until this is all done with I can't work out! Which was such a release and I don't have that right now either! Again do you understand the hitting the head against the wall. See I am not a nut job!.
I just have to wait it out and try not to let the world swallow me whole!
Thanks for listening!
Till Tomorrow,
H
So as you can see I did not jump off a bridge, bite someone, or hit my head against the wall last night. I did just have a quiet night with my tissues and my DVR. I got caught up on some of my shows. Through out the evening though food never came to mind. I just cried and watched TV and just like cleaning the office, the crying was like the purging I needed to do for myself last night.
You wonder why I all the sudden have gone off the deep end. Well I have some tests tomorrow and that is all I want to say for now. I am frustrated because until this is all done with I can't work out! Which was such a release and I don't have that right now either! Again do you understand the hitting the head against the wall. See I am not a nut job!.
I just have to wait it out and try not to let the world swallow me whole!
Thanks for listening!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Borders and Boxes!
As we go along this journey of life we always have our peaks and valleys. Well I have to say that I am in a really low valley right now. During this journey of mine I have unfortunately had quite a few valleys to get through but I have always risen above and came out a little worn but still ok!
Right now I am facing a couple of things that are making me feel like I am in a box and that I can't get out. We set up these boarders for ourselves or other set them up for us and we just end up staying in the lines. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be the fat stereotype girl, or the girl who is always sick! That is not me, not the person inside. And yet it's the first thing people see.
Back in my "old life" as a dancer when I was feeling this way I had keys to the studio and at 3 am in the morning I would let myself in and dance the fuck out of what ever was in me! To this day it has been the best therapy I have ever had. When I stopped dancing the next thing I used to make myself feel better was food and every single time after I would eat I would fell worse than I did before I took my first bite.
Sometimes I feel so alone and all I want to do is scream and get myself out of this box as that I can't breathe! This might come to a shock to some of you because I am usually the happy person that people go to for comfort. But not today I have such frustrations as to why when things seem to start to go my way a really BIG bump gets in the way! Everytime it seems!
Occasionally I can understand crazy people and their rants. I mean what a release to be able to hit walls, bite people, hit yourself the amount of energy that you expel must be mind blowing! I also get why people drink or use drugs reality sucks sometimes.
I have great friends but the one person that I would love to be able to talk all this with doesn't listen so I feel so alone, which is probably why I used food in the first place to fill a void. Now that I can't use that the box is really starting to feel very small.
Don't worry about me I am sure this will pass and I knew that this was going to be hard, most things that we truly want are difficult, but I got some news that might make this all harder than I had anticipated! But I won't give up! Carpe Diem!
Thanks for listening(or reading)!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Right now I am facing a couple of things that are making me feel like I am in a box and that I can't get out. We set up these boarders for ourselves or other set them up for us and we just end up staying in the lines. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be the fat stereotype girl, or the girl who is always sick! That is not me, not the person inside. And yet it's the first thing people see.
Back in my "old life" as a dancer when I was feeling this way I had keys to the studio and at 3 am in the morning I would let myself in and dance the fuck out of what ever was in me! To this day it has been the best therapy I have ever had. When I stopped dancing the next thing I used to make myself feel better was food and every single time after I would eat I would fell worse than I did before I took my first bite.
Sometimes I feel so alone and all I want to do is scream and get myself out of this box as that I can't breathe! This might come to a shock to some of you because I am usually the happy person that people go to for comfort. But not today I have such frustrations as to why when things seem to start to go my way a really BIG bump gets in the way! Everytime it seems!
Occasionally I can understand crazy people and their rants. I mean what a release to be able to hit walls, bite people, hit yourself the amount of energy that you expel must be mind blowing! I also get why people drink or use drugs reality sucks sometimes.
I have great friends but the one person that I would love to be able to talk all this with doesn't listen so I feel so alone, which is probably why I used food in the first place to fill a void. Now that I can't use that the box is really starting to feel very small.
Don't worry about me I am sure this will pass and I knew that this was going to be hard, most things that we truly want are difficult, but I got some news that might make this all harder than I had anticipated! But I won't give up! Carpe Diem!
Thanks for listening(or reading)!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Monday, July 12, 2010
So many things on my mind!
Monday July 12, 2010! I feel overwhelmed with things that I have to do for work as the summer is coming to an end and Fall will soon begin. I am having to get ready for Sinus surgery next week(don't worry very excited I will be able to breathe again), and if that was not enough I am running friends to and from surgery and doctor's appointments.
Why am I telling you all this, well when you are on the go all the time when you get hungry what is the first thing that comes to mind. Fill the void the fastest way how! Well in this day and age that is fast food. And that is no answer for me.
As I left the house this morning to pick up my friend to take her to the hospital I did have a good breakfast because I new hospital cafeteria food not the best choice. But as we come to lunch time and I am almost done with my 5th bottle of water the void is starting to become a large growl!
So what do I do? If I could find some jello that would do, but isn't that just for the patients. It amazing to me that fast food always has to do with unhealthy food. Why is that! Does anyone have some sugestions? Well I will just start to eat my hand while I find some yougurt or maybe a sandwich.
Well my friend is coming out of surgery so I better be off!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Why am I telling you all this, well when you are on the go all the time when you get hungry what is the first thing that comes to mind. Fill the void the fastest way how! Well in this day and age that is fast food. And that is no answer for me.
As I left the house this morning to pick up my friend to take her to the hospital I did have a good breakfast because I new hospital cafeteria food not the best choice. But as we come to lunch time and I am almost done with my 5th bottle of water the void is starting to become a large growl!
So what do I do? If I could find some jello that would do, but isn't that just for the patients. It amazing to me that fast food always has to do with unhealthy food. Why is that! Does anyone have some sugestions? Well I will just start to eat my hand while I find some yougurt or maybe a sandwich.
Well my friend is coming out of surgery so I better be off!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Pool Party! Pizza! Pina Colada! OH MY!
So we know I have had a rough couple of days so I had been looking forward to hanging with Cori, Bobby and Julia! Well I blew it! Bobby made this amazing pina colada's as we swam in the pool. With every sip is was like the day was just getting better and better. Sometimes it is nice to escape reality, and I did.
Now don't get me wrong swimming in the pool is great exercise, but it's not like I did a 100 laps in the pool. The most workout I got was lifting my had to get another drink. Then it became time to talk about dinner. I mean after all that heavy lifting of those drinks I was famished! So what would we eat. "Pizza" I say! Yes at this point I am not really thinking clearly. Everyone says great so we order and have another drink while we wait.
What seemed like an hour the pizza finally got there. OK are you sitting down, through out the night I had 4 slices. Really 4 slices! What was I thinking, well I guess at that point I was not. And if I am being honest we each had a bite of Tiramisu for dessert. Not like the pina colada's weren't all the sweet I needed!
So fine I really fucked up! And yes I mean that! Since my body has been fed so healthy the last month I have been pretty ill all night! You know that should tell us something if this is how the body reacts when you eat something so full of fat than why do we do it! It sure does not take much time for your body to reject all that unhealthy food. So being ill is my punishment and it is fitting. So I have my workout clothes on and I am heading to the gym and we will just forget yesterday even happened!
So I move onward and upward and just act like I just hit a fork in the road!. So off to the gym, I figure if I workout for 4 hours and 45 minutes I will be back to status quo!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Saturday, July 10, 2010
For a moment there I forgot who I was!
So I am into a month of this new lifestyle! I have not weighed yet because I had a little to much to drink last night so I am flushing my system and will weigh tomorrow! I know, I know, no lectures. But I had a great time with some friends and I was thinking to myself that I was this young skinny hot girl. For a minute I forgot who I was.
Don't get me wrong I love myself, I have a great personalty and I am in no way shy, but I see myself sometimes as the sassy little thin diva I used to be. Sometimes that is hard when you are flirting with someone and all they see is the "real you" big butt and all. Please know that I am not being hard on myself I ate to get this way and I did this to myself but my insides sure as hell don't match my outsides. Saying that I know that I am a pretty girl but I sometimes wish that I could just take a suction cup and suck all the fat out of my body! It gets to be hard when a guy says they just want to be friends.
I have put such a barrier up that the only people that I let in are my great girl friends and my wonderful gays. I feel that I can be my true self and in turn get the truth from them. Last night when I did not get the expectation I was looking for I called my friend Gabby and she talked me down. Thanks Gabby! I guess that is what it's all about. What would we do without our support system.
I am feeling today though have I missed my mark? I am almost 36 and when I meet a guy he is either married, gay, or not interested. Is there anyone out there for me! Sorry I am not tyring to be Debbie Downer but I am feeling sorry for myself a little today. You know girls get that way once a month. So I guess I will have a good cry(and there is nothing wrong with that) pick myself up head over to my best friend's pool and have a great weekend. All I can do is stay on task and move forward there is no reason for looking back!
Till tomorrow,
H
Don't get me wrong I love myself, I have a great personalty and I am in no way shy, but I see myself sometimes as the sassy little thin diva I used to be. Sometimes that is hard when you are flirting with someone and all they see is the "real you" big butt and all. Please know that I am not being hard on myself I ate to get this way and I did this to myself but my insides sure as hell don't match my outsides. Saying that I know that I am a pretty girl but I sometimes wish that I could just take a suction cup and suck all the fat out of my body! It gets to be hard when a guy says they just want to be friends.
I have put such a barrier up that the only people that I let in are my great girl friends and my wonderful gays. I feel that I can be my true self and in turn get the truth from them. Last night when I did not get the expectation I was looking for I called my friend Gabby and she talked me down. Thanks Gabby! I guess that is what it's all about. What would we do without our support system.
I am feeling today though have I missed my mark? I am almost 36 and when I meet a guy he is either married, gay, or not interested. Is there anyone out there for me! Sorry I am not tyring to be Debbie Downer but I am feeling sorry for myself a little today. You know girls get that way once a month. So I guess I will have a good cry(and there is nothing wrong with that) pick myself up head over to my best friend's pool and have a great weekend. All I can do is stay on task and move forward there is no reason for looking back!
Till tomorrow,
H
Friday, July 9, 2010
The North Texas Food Bank! What an Experience
Two times a year the staff at SMU Meadows school of the Arts volunteer to help out the community. This year was the North Texas Food Bank! This was quite an eye opener for me. 1 out of every 5 families need help to get through the week. Can you believe it we are a 1st world country and we have people that can't even feed themselves. The most ironic thing is that the people who come to get the boxes of food aren't homeless they are just like you and me. They have a house, car, kids they can pay the bills just not enough to put food on the table. What an eye opener.
So yesterday when we got there I thought ok we would be sorting some food, making labels, helping do some tasks here or there. NO my ass worked so hard I did not need Zumba that day we all busted our asses. There were 13 of us and we set a record for the fastest box sets that they had ever seen. We were like a well oiled machine. We each had our job and we got it done. She was so impressed because we finished one hour early that we even got a t-shirt.
What I found disturbing though was the food that they were giving out was not the most nutritious. It never fails the cheaper the food the more fat and calories that it contains. I realize that fresh fruit and veggies can't be given out but our country is in trouble we have children that won't out live their parents because the food they eat and the lack of exercise will do them in.
Please don't think that I am taking away from what we did yesterday because it is very necessary and I was so glad to be a part of it. But I wish there was a way that we could help but have more healthy choices for those families. I have to say as hard as I worked it was very rewarding and at the end of the day we have put together 5,144 meals for families not to bad for a days work.
Till Tomorrow!
H
So yesterday when we got there I thought ok we would be sorting some food, making labels, helping do some tasks here or there. NO my ass worked so hard I did not need Zumba that day we all busted our asses. There were 13 of us and we set a record for the fastest box sets that they had ever seen. We were like a well oiled machine. We each had our job and we got it done. She was so impressed because we finished one hour early that we even got a t-shirt.
What I found disturbing though was the food that they were giving out was not the most nutritious. It never fails the cheaper the food the more fat and calories that it contains. I realize that fresh fruit and veggies can't be given out but our country is in trouble we have children that won't out live their parents because the food they eat and the lack of exercise will do them in.
Please don't think that I am taking away from what we did yesterday because it is very necessary and I was so glad to be a part of it. But I wish there was a way that we could help but have more healthy choices for those families. I have to say as hard as I worked it was very rewarding and at the end of the day we have put together 5,144 meals for families not to bad for a days work.
Till Tomorrow!
H
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Why does food confort us when we are upset?
I am having a really shitty day! There is no other way to say it. I should have just stayed in bed but nevertheless I have to work so that was not an option! So I get here moaning and groaning and just thought you just have half a day we are helping the hungry by working the food bank. So you would be helping other's which would make me feel better. Will it I sure hope so. Now don't get me wrong I very grateful that I have the ability to do this and do not begrudge any help that I can give but this is not the day for it.
Everyone her at work decided to make some sort of dessert or goodies to celebrate our service project. Really as if I need any excuse to eat crap. There are brownies upstairs that are to die for. Now lets face it eating one of those moist gooey chocolate brownies is not going to make me feel better it will probably make me feel worse but I hear it calling me all the way across the building. Damn you brownie!
Why is it when things are not going our way or we just want to punch something food seems to be some sort of comfort. Because when you really look at if food is your enemy not your friend. It makes you feel better for those couple of minutes but the guilt that comes after just ends up making you eat more and the vicious cycle continues or at least it has for me. This cycle has been on replay for the last 20 years in my life. So I have decided to break that cycle for good! Don't get me wrong I hear those damn brownies but they won't end up on my butt I can promise you that.
Well that is all I have today my angry self bids you good day!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Everyone her at work decided to make some sort of dessert or goodies to celebrate our service project. Really as if I need any excuse to eat crap. There are brownies upstairs that are to die for. Now lets face it eating one of those moist gooey chocolate brownies is not going to make me feel better it will probably make me feel worse but I hear it calling me all the way across the building. Damn you brownie!
Why is it when things are not going our way or we just want to punch something food seems to be some sort of comfort. Because when you really look at if food is your enemy not your friend. It makes you feel better for those couple of minutes but the guilt that comes after just ends up making you eat more and the vicious cycle continues or at least it has for me. This cycle has been on replay for the last 20 years in my life. So I have decided to break that cycle for good! Don't get me wrong I hear those damn brownies but they won't end up on my butt I can promise you that.
Well that is all I have today my angry self bids you good day!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Hello is there anybody out there?
Since I have had my "new lifestyle" for a month I am starting to feel a little sassy! With that I would love to start dating again. Now don't get me wrong I have great friends and some amazing male friends who treat me like a queen! But I work in the arts so most of my guys friends are gay and would not fulfill the needs that I want met! I have never been shy but the way that I felt about my body I never felt very sexy therefore never put myself out there. Well I am ready.
OK so I am no where near my goal but I have decided that I want a guy who likes me for what I have inside as well as what's outside. I'm funny, smart, cute, and dog gone it people like me! Seriously though, I am 35 and I want to find someone to share my life with both the good and the bad. I would love to find someone who likes me for me, and for the outside well that's just a bonus.
So I know what you are saying you have to put yourself out there and most of you know I have high standards. But why shouldn't I. I am a great catch. I don't want some guy who is going to sit on the couch watch ESPN all day and then tell me to fetch a beer for him. I have a lot of hobbies and events that I go to and I want him by my side. As liberal as I am he has to accept me as well as my friends because if he doesn't he is out with yesterday's trash.
I have had two long term relationships and both of them I changed who I was. In fact I voted for George W. Bush for Texas governor I still have nightmares about that. So this time is different I want him to like me for the whole package: what I believe in, my friends and of course me skinny or fat!
We label so many people before we even get a change to know them hey and I am guilty of that too believe me. So do you think he is out there? If so let me know because I am not getting any younger!
Don't get me wrong I love that I can come and go, make plans with my friends, drop everything and leave but I do feel there is one thing missing in my life. I would love to share my life with a GOOD man. If he is not good then alone I would rather be!
Anyway that's my thoughts for today!
Till tomorrow!
H
OK so I am no where near my goal but I have decided that I want a guy who likes me for what I have inside as well as what's outside. I'm funny, smart, cute, and dog gone it people like me! Seriously though, I am 35 and I want to find someone to share my life with both the good and the bad. I would love to find someone who likes me for me, and for the outside well that's just a bonus.
So I know what you are saying you have to put yourself out there and most of you know I have high standards. But why shouldn't I. I am a great catch. I don't want some guy who is going to sit on the couch watch ESPN all day and then tell me to fetch a beer for him. I have a lot of hobbies and events that I go to and I want him by my side. As liberal as I am he has to accept me as well as my friends because if he doesn't he is out with yesterday's trash.
I have had two long term relationships and both of them I changed who I was. In fact I voted for George W. Bush for Texas governor I still have nightmares about that. So this time is different I want him to like me for the whole package: what I believe in, my friends and of course me skinny or fat!
We label so many people before we even get a change to know them hey and I am guilty of that too believe me. So do you think he is out there? If so let me know because I am not getting any younger!
Don't get me wrong I love that I can come and go, make plans with my friends, drop everything and leave but I do feel there is one thing missing in my life. I would love to share my life with a GOOD man. If he is not good then alone I would rather be!
Anyway that's my thoughts for today!
Till tomorrow!
H
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
How long does it take a habit to become a habit?
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting around with my friends at happy hour and we were discussing how long does it take to make something a habit? I got quite a few answers some said two weeks, another said 6 months, and one person said a year, a YEAR! Good grief that is why too long.
I am working out religiously and don't find myself anywhere near giving up. But when does it become fun. Now fun can be a relative term. I know that there are people who work out every day and if they don't they feel like they have let themselves and their bodies down. I not that person. But I do have to say as yesterday was the observance of the July 4th holiday I sill worked out for and hour and a half. I can't start the week without working out on Monday's. In all fairness though it's not fun for me. Working out is a means to and end, the end being me healthy and smoking hot!
What is so funny though when I was dancing I could literally go all day 10 hours in a hot studio and it was never work. I guess when you really enjoy what you are doing it doesn't feel like work. I hope working out for me will become that way or a least to a point where I look forward to it. I always feel better after I work out full of energy and ready to continue the day but the anticipation of the actual effort sometimes can be more daunting on my mind then my body. Especially today because I face the almighty Zumba!
So when does working out become a habit for me! If you know please let me in on the secret!
Till Tomorrow,
H
I am working out religiously and don't find myself anywhere near giving up. But when does it become fun. Now fun can be a relative term. I know that there are people who work out every day and if they don't they feel like they have let themselves and their bodies down. I not that person. But I do have to say as yesterday was the observance of the July 4th holiday I sill worked out for and hour and a half. I can't start the week without working out on Monday's. In all fairness though it's not fun for me. Working out is a means to and end, the end being me healthy and smoking hot!
What is so funny though when I was dancing I could literally go all day 10 hours in a hot studio and it was never work. I guess when you really enjoy what you are doing it doesn't feel like work. I hope working out for me will become that way or a least to a point where I look forward to it. I always feel better after I work out full of energy and ready to continue the day but the anticipation of the actual effort sometimes can be more daunting on my mind then my body. Especially today because I face the almighty Zumba!
So when does working out become a habit for me! If you know please let me in on the secret!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Monday, July 5, 2010
My first holiday how did I do?
I have a tradition of going to my friend Karen's house each year for the 4th and this year was no different. Now a little background, Karen and I have been friends for over 10 years and when we get together trouble is not long to follow. Now I don't mean bad trouble but let's just say I tend to over indulge in everything when it comes to hanging out with her. Now we both are older and don't participate in that kinda behavior very much anymore but I had not seen her in 6 months so I did not know what might happen!
I bought food that was on my lists of things to eat but she is an amazing cook and I knew that I would have to face the demon of mac and cheese. I get there and we start talking and we pour ourselves a drink. Side note she has a pool so I knew that I would be working off some of the calories. Karen had some new friends there and they were funny and really cool. So the day goes on we are outside having some cocktails and enjoying the day.
Karen and I go in the house and she says I can really see a difference you are looking great. Now will you help with the mac and cheese. As superwomen this is my krytonite. So I say sure we have not seen each other in a while this is our time to catch up. So we are talking and cooking and I start to smell the yummyness coming from the oven. Karen takes it out and I look at it and it smells really good. She says have a taste I think I left it in the over too long. So I pick up the spoon and my hand start to shake(not really just for a little dramatic effect) and I take a bite. You know what it was ok but not as good as I remember it. Could it be, has supergirl found away to not succumb to her kyptonite? I think so! It was call seeing one of her friends in a pick bikini and wanting that to be me next year.
I have been wondering why I am resisting like I am. Will power has always been a struggle, what is the difference now? Believe me it's not like I don't want to eat queso or mac and cheese but a few bites are all I need. Does this mean I really will reach my goal. I have set so many goals in my past that I never made and I wonder why this is different? Is it my attitude, my determination, or is it the fact that I don't want to be 40 and on 3 medications? Whatever the reason I will stay the course and for the first time I can really see myself thin.
So for me this really was a celebration of freedom! Freedom from those demons that want me to fail. So happy 4th everybody! It was a great day!
Till Tomorrow,
H
I bought food that was on my lists of things to eat but she is an amazing cook and I knew that I would have to face the demon of mac and cheese. I get there and we start talking and we pour ourselves a drink. Side note she has a pool so I knew that I would be working off some of the calories. Karen had some new friends there and they were funny and really cool. So the day goes on we are outside having some cocktails and enjoying the day.
Karen and I go in the house and she says I can really see a difference you are looking great. Now will you help with the mac and cheese. As superwomen this is my krytonite. So I say sure we have not seen each other in a while this is our time to catch up. So we are talking and cooking and I start to smell the yummyness coming from the oven. Karen takes it out and I look at it and it smells really good. She says have a taste I think I left it in the over too long. So I pick up the spoon and my hand start to shake(not really just for a little dramatic effect) and I take a bite. You know what it was ok but not as good as I remember it. Could it be, has supergirl found away to not succumb to her kyptonite? I think so! It was call seeing one of her friends in a pick bikini and wanting that to be me next year.
I have been wondering why I am resisting like I am. Will power has always been a struggle, what is the difference now? Believe me it's not like I don't want to eat queso or mac and cheese but a few bites are all I need. Does this mean I really will reach my goal. I have set so many goals in my past that I never made and I wonder why this is different? Is it my attitude, my determination, or is it the fact that I don't want to be 40 and on 3 medications? Whatever the reason I will stay the course and for the first time I can really see myself thin.
So for me this really was a celebration of freedom! Freedom from those demons that want me to fail. So happy 4th everybody! It was a great day!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Farmer's Market: My new favorite place
I have lived in Dallas 14 1/2 years now and I have never traveled down to the famous Farmer's Market. Friends have told me how great it was but I just have never gone down there. So last week my friend Leslie and I had decided that we would go down early Saturday morning. So I wake up around 5:30 due to the thunder and lighting that we were getting and thought no way I really want to go to the market but not in the rain. So I decide to go back to bed because 5:30 is just way to early and see what another hour of sleep will bring.
I wake back up around 7 and the rain has stopped and I told Leslie a little humidly won't hurt anyone lets get ready and go. So we get ready and head down there. As I drive into the market I am overwhelmed we the large size of it. Had no clue the market would be so big. We park our car and begin the trek to see all the booth's.
Now a little background my grandparents on my mom said were farmers in New Jersey and growing up I had never in my life had such yummy vegetables. We would literally pick the corn from the field and within 10 minutes it was on the table to be eaten. The tomato's that my grandpa would grow were the sweetest and juiciest I have ever had. So to say that I expect a high quality from a farmers market is putting it lightly.
We walk in and the colors of the fruit and vegetables is like something you would see in a magazine. So we start our stroll down each aisle and each vendor will give you a sample whether it was pineapple, watermelon, or a honeydew there really want you to sample their product. I am not a fan of any time of melons so none for me but the pineapple was so juicy that it almost rivals the Maui golds that I had when I was in Hawaii.
What struck me most is the freshness of everything. It was as if the fruit and veggies had just been picked and were here for my delight. I have to say it made me a little home sick for my grandparents farm and the fun I used to have running up and down the corn fields. So I was thinking to myself why did it take me so long to get down here?
Now in terms of pricing my friend thought they were a little expensive but for what you got I really thought the prices were right on the mark. What is also amazing was just the massive size of the place. Not only do that have the fruits and veggies, but a whole other section for flowers, plants, trees, and pottery. I shopper like me really could get in trouble.
So after we walked around and saw all the booths we decided on making a summer vegetable feast for Monday. Corn (and yes just one ear I know that it is very starchy), asparagus, peppers, and a cucumber salad. All that with some fresh blueberries for dessert. Now that is my kind of meal. Healthy and fresh what more can you ask for?
So I think I will make the farmers market a staple for my new lifestyle it may be a little more expensive but the quality of the food is totally worth it. Who knew eating so healthy would be fun too!
Also I hope everyone has a Fun and safe 4th of July!
Till Tomorrow,
H
I wake back up around 7 and the rain has stopped and I told Leslie a little humidly won't hurt anyone lets get ready and go. So we get ready and head down there. As I drive into the market I am overwhelmed we the large size of it. Had no clue the market would be so big. We park our car and begin the trek to see all the booth's.
Now a little background my grandparents on my mom said were farmers in New Jersey and growing up I had never in my life had such yummy vegetables. We would literally pick the corn from the field and within 10 minutes it was on the table to be eaten. The tomato's that my grandpa would grow were the sweetest and juiciest I have ever had. So to say that I expect a high quality from a farmers market is putting it lightly.
We walk in and the colors of the fruit and vegetables is like something you would see in a magazine. So we start our stroll down each aisle and each vendor will give you a sample whether it was pineapple, watermelon, or a honeydew there really want you to sample their product. I am not a fan of any time of melons so none for me but the pineapple was so juicy that it almost rivals the Maui golds that I had when I was in Hawaii.
What struck me most is the freshness of everything. It was as if the fruit and veggies had just been picked and were here for my delight. I have to say it made me a little home sick for my grandparents farm and the fun I used to have running up and down the corn fields. So I was thinking to myself why did it take me so long to get down here?
Now in terms of pricing my friend thought they were a little expensive but for what you got I really thought the prices were right on the mark. What is also amazing was just the massive size of the place. Not only do that have the fruits and veggies, but a whole other section for flowers, plants, trees, and pottery. I shopper like me really could get in trouble.
So after we walked around and saw all the booths we decided on making a summer vegetable feast for Monday. Corn (and yes just one ear I know that it is very starchy), asparagus, peppers, and a cucumber salad. All that with some fresh blueberries for dessert. Now that is my kind of meal. Healthy and fresh what more can you ask for?
So I think I will make the farmers market a staple for my new lifestyle it may be a little more expensive but the quality of the food is totally worth it. Who knew eating so healthy would be fun too!
Also I hope everyone has a Fun and safe 4th of July!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Game night did not do me in!
Last night some of my friends and I had game night! What a great way to start a long weekend. Now I had decided that I would allow myself a couple of drinks and not be so strict with the food because this was a "special occasion" and I wanted to participate. Also I can't draw so when it came to pictionary I needed all the help I could get! But I still was going to make better choices of the food that I was going to bring.
It never fails when it comes to the middle of summer I always crave a hot dog. So I went to the grocery store and looked at the the hot dogs and decided to get the Hebrew National 1/2 the fat hot dogs and sugar free wheat hot dog buns. The calorie difference between the regular buns and the sugar free wheat buns was astonishing and the hot dogs were 70 calories less so I was on a good start. Now anytime I go to a gathering at someone's house I usually make my famous, yes famous, macaroni and cheese. It's to die for if I do say so myself. But not this time I can't eat that you might as well just add the 13 pounds right back to my butt. So what was I going to bring.
Well I decided to bring a summer bean and corn salad. It was very good. It had black, kidney, and garbanzo beans, corn, cilantro, onions, and cherry tomato's. You add a some fresh squeezed lime juice and 2 tablespoons of light Italian dressing and you are set. I served the salad with baked tortilla chips and this was a low fat option with loads of flavor it was a big hit!
Now for the alcohol I got a very small bottle of vodka and diet cranberry juice it had 1/2 the calories and sugar that is in regular cranberry juice. I had two small drinks filled with ice so not to bad. I am not going to lie to you though I did have one beer. I know, I know but it was so good when it touched my lips. This just means I have to work out one more day this week and I am willing to do it. But the best part of all this when I woke up this morning no hangover.
I have to say my friends help to. Queso is my favorite snack and when my friend made it she used the two percent Velveeta and you could not even taste the difference. Saying all this though I thought that I would have gone crazy with the food but I didn't, I ate till I was full and then I was done. I really was there for the games and the company and I had a great time. It's funny when you make the decision to change it is like nothing is more important then getting to your goal.
This was a fun evening with no guilt and I can only say that it feels great to know that when I put my mind to something I really can do it! So many times we are our own worst enemies and if we can get out of our way good things can come true!
Till tomorrow!
H
It never fails when it comes to the middle of summer I always crave a hot dog. So I went to the grocery store and looked at the the hot dogs and decided to get the Hebrew National 1/2 the fat hot dogs and sugar free wheat hot dog buns. The calorie difference between the regular buns and the sugar free wheat buns was astonishing and the hot dogs were 70 calories less so I was on a good start. Now anytime I go to a gathering at someone's house I usually make my famous, yes famous, macaroni and cheese. It's to die for if I do say so myself. But not this time I can't eat that you might as well just add the 13 pounds right back to my butt. So what was I going to bring.
Well I decided to bring a summer bean and corn salad. It was very good. It had black, kidney, and garbanzo beans, corn, cilantro, onions, and cherry tomato's. You add a some fresh squeezed lime juice and 2 tablespoons of light Italian dressing and you are set. I served the salad with baked tortilla chips and this was a low fat option with loads of flavor it was a big hit!
Now for the alcohol I got a very small bottle of vodka and diet cranberry juice it had 1/2 the calories and sugar that is in regular cranberry juice. I had two small drinks filled with ice so not to bad. I am not going to lie to you though I did have one beer. I know, I know but it was so good when it touched my lips. This just means I have to work out one more day this week and I am willing to do it. But the best part of all this when I woke up this morning no hangover.
I have to say my friends help to. Queso is my favorite snack and when my friend made it she used the two percent Velveeta and you could not even taste the difference. Saying all this though I thought that I would have gone crazy with the food but I didn't, I ate till I was full and then I was done. I really was there for the games and the company and I had a great time. It's funny when you make the decision to change it is like nothing is more important then getting to your goal.
This was a fun evening with no guilt and I can only say that it feels great to know that when I put my mind to something I really can do it! So many times we are our own worst enemies and if we can get out of our way good things can come true!
Till tomorrow!
H
Friday, July 2, 2010
Zumba will be the death of me!
First and foremost weigh day today and I am down 2.6 pounds! So I am .2 from losing 13 pounds in 3 weeks! I am please with this and it's more that 1.8 so I will take it!
Now to the subject at hand Zumba the class that will be the death of me. Two of my friends Pam and Janet have been on me to take this class for awhile now and I have been resisting but yesterday I took my first class. So I get into the room kinda look around, and ok this will be fun no worries right! I know my ass will get kicked but I will be fine because I need something like this. The instructor says lets come together and begin. The music is fun and we start to warm up. I begin moving my hips and moving side to side and really getting into the movement. I feel like this is going to be fun and I will be burning some calories at the same time great! So the warm up lasts for about 5 minutes and by the time it is over the little Latina in me has come out!
I get a sip of water and wait for the next installment of the class to begin. I got this no worries. Yes worries Claudia the instructor is a spit fire and the warm up was just that a warm up. We get into the next session and 4 minutes in I was huffin and puffin and thought to myself if I die please pay a song from Glee at my funeral. I then look at the clock and ask Pam how long the class is and she says 45 minutes. WTF 45 minutes of this I will die die!
We go into the next section and we are working on abs. Now this is great I need ab work so we begin and I just get very overwhelmed. This is all great but I am beginning to doubt myself. I was a dancer for 23 years this movement should come right back to me, why is my body failing me. Maybe it's because when I danced I was 140 pounds smaller than I am now. So I get to that place in my head where I am so mad at myself for letting myself get this heavy. I am so overwhelmed at this point that I walk out get some air and try to take perspective at the situation.
I step outside and the old me would have left but I pull myself together and go back in! I get through the class(barely) and Pam and Janet come up to me and said you did great this is a fast class and you kept up and besides you have to start slow. At this point I begin to cry I just thought this would be easier for me as a dancer but clearly it was not. I realize that I have not danced in about 11 years but what use to be so natural to me was such a struggle for my body yesterday. The ironic thing is I don't think of myself as overweight in fact unless I see pictures or look in a full length mirror I see myself as the "old me" thin and sassy. Well the real me got a huge eye opener yesterday and instead of running the other way I will face it and be back to Zumba next week.
Thanks Janet and Pam for supporting me and helping me get over the huge hump that was Zumba and look forward(maybe) to next week!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Now to the subject at hand Zumba the class that will be the death of me. Two of my friends Pam and Janet have been on me to take this class for awhile now and I have been resisting but yesterday I took my first class. So I get into the room kinda look around, and ok this will be fun no worries right! I know my ass will get kicked but I will be fine because I need something like this. The instructor says lets come together and begin. The music is fun and we start to warm up. I begin moving my hips and moving side to side and really getting into the movement. I feel like this is going to be fun and I will be burning some calories at the same time great! So the warm up lasts for about 5 minutes and by the time it is over the little Latina in me has come out!
I get a sip of water and wait for the next installment of the class to begin. I got this no worries. Yes worries Claudia the instructor is a spit fire and the warm up was just that a warm up. We get into the next session and 4 minutes in I was huffin and puffin and thought to myself if I die please pay a song from Glee at my funeral. I then look at the clock and ask Pam how long the class is and she says 45 minutes. WTF 45 minutes of this I will die die!
We go into the next section and we are working on abs. Now this is great I need ab work so we begin and I just get very overwhelmed. This is all great but I am beginning to doubt myself. I was a dancer for 23 years this movement should come right back to me, why is my body failing me. Maybe it's because when I danced I was 140 pounds smaller than I am now. So I get to that place in my head where I am so mad at myself for letting myself get this heavy. I am so overwhelmed at this point that I walk out get some air and try to take perspective at the situation.
I step outside and the old me would have left but I pull myself together and go back in! I get through the class(barely) and Pam and Janet come up to me and said you did great this is a fast class and you kept up and besides you have to start slow. At this point I begin to cry I just thought this would be easier for me as a dancer but clearly it was not. I realize that I have not danced in about 11 years but what use to be so natural to me was such a struggle for my body yesterday. The ironic thing is I don't think of myself as overweight in fact unless I see pictures or look in a full length mirror I see myself as the "old me" thin and sassy. Well the real me got a huge eye opener yesterday and instead of running the other way I will face it and be back to Zumba next week.
Thanks Janet and Pam for supporting me and helping me get over the huge hump that was Zumba and look forward(maybe) to next week!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The cookie incident!
I am not much of a sweet eater really never have been if I had to choose salt or sugar, salt would always win. Yesterday though I had a perplexing day at work but yet again that is another bog! So when I got home all I wanted was a glass of wine and a little dinner but wait I am not drinking so that won't work what do I do?
Well I took a hot bath(I am so sore from working out) drank two bottles of water had a salad and thought: "I will watch So you think you can dance and then go to bed and wake up in the morning a new women!" So I start watching and all the sudden I remember I had a package of Pepperidge Farm chocolate chip cookies that I bought a couple of months ago in the pantry. Now to the above statement that I am not a sweet eater I'm not but I do love chocolate chip cookies!
So I go over to the pantry open the door and there they are calling me: "Heather it's ok just have one" and it was like I had a little cookie monster in my stomach agreeing with the cookies. I pick up the package and look at the calories and fat and just thought there is no way one cookie, one cookie has 140 calories and 7 grams of fat! So I put the package back and go back to the sofa to continue watching. I go through another segment and the commercial comes on and my minds goes back to the cookies. I think but you have worked out so hard this week it's not worth it, but they are calling me as if I don't eat one I will be disappointing the cookies. So I need some guidance!
A friend of mine is staying with me for a while and I look to her for help because clearly my will power is being tested. She says to me "if you really want this cookie just have half you will get the taste and it won't be so bad on the calories and fat". So I debate can I just have half? I go back over to the pantry break a cookie in half and take a bite! I enjoyed that cookie and when I was done I did not feel guilty. In fact whatever I was feeling about work that day went away with every little bite! Side note I know that eating half of a cookie is not what you should do to make yourself feel better but it was half a cookie not a box!
I then continued watch my show went to bed and woke up this morning a new women and there is no guilt. So if once a month I need a half of a cookie I think that's ok because let's face it this is not a diet and if you limit everything one day it just won't be a cookie monster, but a pizza monster, a Mexican food monster, and any of my bad food monsters that will rise up and I will be powerless against it! So I defend my decision and continue on the path.
Tomorrow is weigh day the 3rd one!
Till tomorrow!
H
Well I took a hot bath(I am so sore from working out) drank two bottles of water had a salad and thought: "I will watch So you think you can dance and then go to bed and wake up in the morning a new women!" So I start watching and all the sudden I remember I had a package of Pepperidge Farm chocolate chip cookies that I bought a couple of months ago in the pantry. Now to the above statement that I am not a sweet eater I'm not but I do love chocolate chip cookies!
So I go over to the pantry open the door and there they are calling me: "Heather it's ok just have one" and it was like I had a little cookie monster in my stomach agreeing with the cookies. I pick up the package and look at the calories and fat and just thought there is no way one cookie, one cookie has 140 calories and 7 grams of fat! So I put the package back and go back to the sofa to continue watching. I go through another segment and the commercial comes on and my minds goes back to the cookies. I think but you have worked out so hard this week it's not worth it, but they are calling me as if I don't eat one I will be disappointing the cookies. So I need some guidance!
A friend of mine is staying with me for a while and I look to her for help because clearly my will power is being tested. She says to me "if you really want this cookie just have half you will get the taste and it won't be so bad on the calories and fat". So I debate can I just have half? I go back over to the pantry break a cookie in half and take a bite! I enjoyed that cookie and when I was done I did not feel guilty. In fact whatever I was feeling about work that day went away with every little bite! Side note I know that eating half of a cookie is not what you should do to make yourself feel better but it was half a cookie not a box!
I then continued watch my show went to bed and woke up this morning a new women and there is no guilt. So if once a month I need a half of a cookie I think that's ok because let's face it this is not a diet and if you limit everything one day it just won't be a cookie monster, but a pizza monster, a Mexican food monster, and any of my bad food monsters that will rise up and I will be powerless against it! So I defend my decision and continue on the path.
Tomorrow is weigh day the 3rd one!
Till tomorrow!
H
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)