So I made 30 pounds by my 36th birthday not my full goal but still I am proud of myself! I had a great birthday but now it's time to buckle down and strive to my next goal. My mom, myself, and her close friend are going out of town for her birthday on October 12 so the next goal is to have another 20 pounds off by Oct. 12th. I know I can do this one and by then it will be 50 pounds. Holly Cow! 50 pounds I don't even know what to say.
This summer has been such a learning experience for me with my weight loss. When I was speaking to the massage therapist on Saturday, she could tell that I had lost weight, she was telling me that when we loose weight not only do we have a physical change but an emotional change as well. She was going into have our cells have memory and a main reason why people are unsuccessful loosing weight is that our cells and our bodies remember the bad habits and tend to go back to them. The emotional toll that the weight loss has had on me made what she said hit very close to home. There have been days where I just cry, a song on the radio, a memory from my past, talking with an old friend, anything and I just can't stop. This is my emotions purging their weight if that makes sense.
With this being the first day of school it has been great seeing all my students and they can see the difference! So I continue on my path watch out 20 pounds I am coming for ya!
Till later,
H
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
The fog has lifted!
Hi Everyone! Yes I have been gone for awhile and I apologize but the last three and half weeks have been very difficult. You know that I have sinus surgery and I have had some complications. Not to mention all the pain meds put me in a really bad funk! I can't believe all the meds can do that but they can.
Also I have been having a shift at work and it has been a huge transition and I had a HUGE project that I had to finish and I can say I did that last week. This was my mountain and I climbed to the top and scaled down with not too many scratches. But the future here at work looks very positive and I am looking forward to our next semester.
The last couple of weeks I am not going to lie I wanted to go back to some of my old habits (because we all know old habits are hard to quit)! And one day I did I had been crying for a good couple of hours just feeling sorry for myself so I decided that I would eat. So I went to MacDonald's and got one of there meals. I ate it and felt more empty that I did before I ate the damn thing. The funny thing was that for me, eating to feel better was not a habit anymore in fact it made me feel worse that I did without any pleasure and that used to never happen. So something good did come out of it I know that I am not missing anything because my stomach hurt for a good three hours after that. Amazing how after eating healthy for two months can change your body so quickly. So something good did come out of me feeling so bad! I don't need food to define me anymore that are so many other things that can and will define me and I am looking forward to finding all of them out!
All I know is that I had a wonderful weekend with my mom and my birth week has started and I am feeling like my old new self again and look forward to continuing on my journey. I do not that I won't hit my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday but I do think I will have 30 so I am very happy with that and once my birthday comes and goes I will let you know the next goal! I have to say I went shopping with my mom yesterday for my birthday outfit and can say it was fun got a very cute, sexy even, outfit that was a size smaller than the last time I shopped so I was excited.
It feels good to get back to blogging and feeling like my new self again. I have about another week before I can exercise again but who wants to work out during their birth week anyway! Thank you for your patience and all of your support I am back and it feels good!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Also I have been having a shift at work and it has been a huge transition and I had a HUGE project that I had to finish and I can say I did that last week. This was my mountain and I climbed to the top and scaled down with not too many scratches. But the future here at work looks very positive and I am looking forward to our next semester.
The last couple of weeks I am not going to lie I wanted to go back to some of my old habits (because we all know old habits are hard to quit)! And one day I did I had been crying for a good couple of hours just feeling sorry for myself so I decided that I would eat. So I went to MacDonald's and got one of there meals. I ate it and felt more empty that I did before I ate the damn thing. The funny thing was that for me, eating to feel better was not a habit anymore in fact it made me feel worse that I did without any pleasure and that used to never happen. So something good did come out of it I know that I am not missing anything because my stomach hurt for a good three hours after that. Amazing how after eating healthy for two months can change your body so quickly. So something good did come out of me feeling so bad! I don't need food to define me anymore that are so many other things that can and will define me and I am looking forward to finding all of them out!
All I know is that I had a wonderful weekend with my mom and my birth week has started and I am feeling like my old new self again and look forward to continuing on my journey. I do not that I won't hit my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday but I do think I will have 30 so I am very happy with that and once my birthday comes and goes I will let you know the next goal! I have to say I went shopping with my mom yesterday for my birthday outfit and can say it was fun got a very cute, sexy even, outfit that was a size smaller than the last time I shopped so I was excited.
It feels good to get back to blogging and feeling like my new self again. I have about another week before I can exercise again but who wants to work out during their birth week anyway! Thank you for your patience and all of your support I am back and it feels good!
Till Tomorrow,
H
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
First day back to work
So first day back after surgery and I already miss my bed. Don't get me wrong it's so nice to see my friends but as I set here panting because I can't catch my breath it makes me miss laying down. My goal is to try to make 1:30 so I am aiming high. It amazes me how much it takes out of you when you do have surgery. I mean I am down 20 pounds feeling better than I have in a long time and BOOM they cut me and I feel like I am 80. This sucks! I have not had a cocktail for two weeks and have not hung out with my friends for that long as well. I want my life to get back to normal please!
I know that the body is an extraordinary thing and one event to upset the balance can take a month to get back in its grove. Before maybe I would not worry so much but I really want to reach my goal of 16 more pounds by August 20th and with me not being able to exercise, I am concern that I won't make my goal. Besides, the outfit that I want to wear for my b-day night won't fit if I don't get the 16 pounds off. I know, I know, next week at this time I will feel so much better and be able to do more than I am now but I am so focused that sitting in bed frustrates me.
OK that is all my venting for today! I will just move forward and know this was totally worth it and I will be feeling better soon. Until then I look forward to being back in my bed! LOL
Till Tomorrow,
H
I know that the body is an extraordinary thing and one event to upset the balance can take a month to get back in its grove. Before maybe I would not worry so much but I really want to reach my goal of 16 more pounds by August 20th and with me not being able to exercise, I am concern that I won't make my goal. Besides, the outfit that I want to wear for my b-day night won't fit if I don't get the 16 pounds off. I know, I know, next week at this time I will feel so much better and be able to do more than I am now but I am so focused that sitting in bed frustrates me.
OK that is all my venting for today! I will just move forward and know this was totally worth it and I will be feeling better soon. Until then I look forward to being back in my bed! LOL
Till Tomorrow,
H
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I'm back sort of! Oh and Weigh Day
OK my first blog since the day before my sinus surgery and it took more out of me than I expected. I am glad I got it done, don't get me wrong, but I just thought I would be feeling better than I do now. In the long run this was so worth it if it stops all the sinus infections and sickness that I get in the fall, but man I still feel like I was hit by a mac truck! I know now why I can't workout for two weeks because anytime I do something my nose starts to bleed or I just get winded and have to lay down.
OK enough of the pity party that I am having for myself, I do have to say something good came out of this the morning of surgery. So my mom and I get up at the crack of dawn (yes when I say crack I mean 4:30 am) and we get showered and dress and head down to the hospital. I am very nervous and ready for the good drugs to be given when they ask to take my weight. Well I was like ok maybe I don't want to know because I only like to weigh on my scale and their scale was the high tech to the ounce scale, what would it say? To give you a visual I was already nervous and when I a nervous I talk a lot, go figure, but now I was going to have to weigh oh at this point I was singing. What would this scale say, did I have to add disappointment to what I was already feeling. NO in fact I almost did a bell kick off the scale. I have lost 2.6 pounds from my last weigh which makes a grand total of: 19.6 pounds!
So I am 16.4 pounds from my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday! I am so excited! Now I have been full of fluid and don't plan to weigh this week only because I know that I need to get rid of the fluid and get back to my routine, but I am ending July feeling more confident than even that I can accomplish anything I set my mind too. How great is that, confidence in myself never thought that would happen. Ok well back to bed I have been up too long need to lay back down.
Till tomorrow,
H
OK enough of the pity party that I am having for myself, I do have to say something good came out of this the morning of surgery. So my mom and I get up at the crack of dawn (yes when I say crack I mean 4:30 am) and we get showered and dress and head down to the hospital. I am very nervous and ready for the good drugs to be given when they ask to take my weight. Well I was like ok maybe I don't want to know because I only like to weigh on my scale and their scale was the high tech to the ounce scale, what would it say? To give you a visual I was already nervous and when I a nervous I talk a lot, go figure, but now I was going to have to weigh oh at this point I was singing. What would this scale say, did I have to add disappointment to what I was already feeling. NO in fact I almost did a bell kick off the scale. I have lost 2.6 pounds from my last weigh which makes a grand total of: 19.6 pounds!
So I am 16.4 pounds from my goal of 36 pounds by my 36 birthday! I am so excited! Now I have been full of fluid and don't plan to weigh this week only because I know that I need to get rid of the fluid and get back to my routine, but I am ending July feeling more confident than even that I can accomplish anything I set my mind too. How great is that, confidence in myself never thought that would happen. Ok well back to bed I have been up too long need to lay back down.
Till tomorrow,
H
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Brands and Labels!
Brands and Labels are just fine when you are shopping for clothes, shoes, and handbags, but I find that we brand and label each other everyday. I get so tried of some of the looks I get when people see me for the first time. You can see it in their eyes "why are you in the dance department?" I say this because of an incident that happened yesterday here at work.
So this guy came down to ask a question about a dance term. He had gone to facilities to ask if anyone could help him(apparently he is researching in our fine arts library and could not find a term.) Facilities told him to come see me because I did dance for 25 years I do know something. So he walks in looks at me(side note I looked super cute yesterday) and said "am I in the right department, I am looking for the dance department." I say yes you have found it how can I help you? He than says (and I love this) "well do you know anything about dance because I need help with a term is there someone I can speak with?" I tell him of my experience and that I think I can help him. He then says "Oh I did not know you don't look like a dancer." WTF ok to be fair I understand that the size I am might make someone ask that question in their head but out loud. Well guess what I was able to help him in more ways than one. I gave him the info that he wanted and even maybe gave him a lesson of don't judge a book by its cover. When he even left he said what a help I had been and that he was glad he came down to ask.
We all do it, I do it, I judge people all the time and it sucks when you are on the receiving end. I get tired of the label that because I am overweight that I don't care what I look like, I am lazy, and that clearly don't take pride in myself. Well I can say that I do give a damn what I look like I am one of the most high maintenance people I know which includes where I get my hair done, where I shop, and even where I get my nails done. As to being lazy, I not only keep my department going by going above and beyond expectation, but I also am the president of my HOA and sometimes to volunteer work so who is lazy now? The pride issue is a little different I have struggled with being proud of myself because of my weight, but right now I could not be more proud of myself I just put on a pair of capri's that I bought two years ago and could not get into. So take that!
If you could see me typing right know it's funny because these keys are being hit pretty hard right now. But next time when you see someone take a minute before you put a brand or label on them you don't know what is inside!
On a side note I am having sinus surgery in the morning(I have to be there by 6 am yuck) but this is good because I will be able to breathe and won't get as sick as I have in the past so yeah! The reason though that I am telling you this is I will be off the blog tomorrow maybe Friday but I will be back by Saturday. So wish me well but this is why I can't workout for a couple of weeks so I will heal and be back better than I am now!
So till Friday or Saturday!
H
So this guy came down to ask a question about a dance term. He had gone to facilities to ask if anyone could help him(apparently he is researching in our fine arts library and could not find a term.) Facilities told him to come see me because I did dance for 25 years I do know something. So he walks in looks at me(side note I looked super cute yesterday) and said "am I in the right department, I am looking for the dance department." I say yes you have found it how can I help you? He than says (and I love this) "well do you know anything about dance because I need help with a term is there someone I can speak with?" I tell him of my experience and that I think I can help him. He then says "Oh I did not know you don't look like a dancer." WTF ok to be fair I understand that the size I am might make someone ask that question in their head but out loud. Well guess what I was able to help him in more ways than one. I gave him the info that he wanted and even maybe gave him a lesson of don't judge a book by its cover. When he even left he said what a help I had been and that he was glad he came down to ask.
We all do it, I do it, I judge people all the time and it sucks when you are on the receiving end. I get tired of the label that because I am overweight that I don't care what I look like, I am lazy, and that clearly don't take pride in myself. Well I can say that I do give a damn what I look like I am one of the most high maintenance people I know which includes where I get my hair done, where I shop, and even where I get my nails done. As to being lazy, I not only keep my department going by going above and beyond expectation, but I also am the president of my HOA and sometimes to volunteer work so who is lazy now? The pride issue is a little different I have struggled with being proud of myself because of my weight, but right now I could not be more proud of myself I just put on a pair of capri's that I bought two years ago and could not get into. So take that!
If you could see me typing right know it's funny because these keys are being hit pretty hard right now. But next time when you see someone take a minute before you put a brand or label on them you don't know what is inside!
On a side note I am having sinus surgery in the morning(I have to be there by 6 am yuck) but this is good because I will be able to breathe and won't get as sick as I have in the past so yeah! The reason though that I am telling you this is I will be off the blog tomorrow maybe Friday but I will be back by Saturday. So wish me well but this is why I can't workout for a couple of weeks so I will heal and be back better than I am now!
So till Friday or Saturday!
H
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I am feeling really good!
Energy in underrated! I can't believe how much I have since I have started eating healthy and working out! I have always been chipper but now I am just outright peppy! Maybe to the annoyance of some but screw um I feel great.
It's funny people tell you eating right and working out will make you feel better but until you do it for yourself you don't believe them or at least I didn't but I do have a hard head. Yes I am stubborn sometimes to my own demise. But as I reflect I can honestly say if I was to have tried this two years ago I would not have been successful. I don't know how to explain it something click inside me, like a lock that had been placed in the right position to unlock. Why is that I wonder, what is different this time? Is it that I am mentally ready to face the demon that has haunted me since I was 10? Or was there no demon at all and I am realizing that now? Whatever happened I am glad that it did!
One of my students Veronica and her mom came by yesterday and said that I was glowing! It's so nice for other people to see what I am feeling it makes all of this worth it! On that subject I just have to say how supportive everyone has been through this last month, I don't think I could be as successful as I am without the support of my friends and family! I thank you all one month down, 11 months and 108 pounds to go! Thank you all!
Till Tomorrow!
H
It's funny people tell you eating right and working out will make you feel better but until you do it for yourself you don't believe them or at least I didn't but I do have a hard head. Yes I am stubborn sometimes to my own demise. But as I reflect I can honestly say if I was to have tried this two years ago I would not have been successful. I don't know how to explain it something click inside me, like a lock that had been placed in the right position to unlock. Why is that I wonder, what is different this time? Is it that I am mentally ready to face the demon that has haunted me since I was 10? Or was there no demon at all and I am realizing that now? Whatever happened I am glad that it did!
One of my students Veronica and her mom came by yesterday and said that I was glowing! It's so nice for other people to see what I am feeling it makes all of this worth it! On that subject I just have to say how supportive everyone has been through this last month, I don't think I could be as successful as I am without the support of my friends and family! I thank you all one month down, 11 months and 108 pounds to go! Thank you all!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Monday, July 19, 2010
Weigh day #4
So I have not blogged in two days because my internet was down. It is so weird how not being connected can make you feel alone, and even that you are missing out on something. So weird.
Well Saturday was weigh day #4 and I lost 3 pounds since my last weigh!!!! That brings me to 17 pounds since June 15, 2010! I am so excited. I have 19 pounds to go for my first goal which is the 36 pounds by my 36 birthday. It is July 19th and my birthday is August 20th so I have a month do you think I can do it? I sure hope so!
I am now getting in a situation where some pants are getting to big and I even have a pair of jeans on that I could not get into a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to start seeing the difference instead of just feeling the difference. I am even getting comments that people are starting to notice! This is very helpful to keep me on track. I have a pair of paints that are about 1 more size to small then I am now and I try them on every week and I almost have the buttoned! I think another 15 pounds and I will be able to wear them out. In fact these are the paints I want to wear out for my birthday! They are super cute and white so watch out!
I do have some concerns with no be able to workout. I can't believe I am saying this but I kinda miss it. I used it as something to clear my head and to have some time to myself. But I think as long as I keep my calories down I should be ok. I really think as hot as it is I could just stand outside for a hour and just sweat and maybe that would work. I know, I know, it is not that easy!
But I am feeling good knowing that I am on the right track and I can't tell you what a difference just 17 pounds makes in the way I walk and the way I feel. So onward and upward I will go!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Well Saturday was weigh day #4 and I lost 3 pounds since my last weigh!!!! That brings me to 17 pounds since June 15, 2010! I am so excited. I have 19 pounds to go for my first goal which is the 36 pounds by my 36 birthday. It is July 19th and my birthday is August 20th so I have a month do you think I can do it? I sure hope so!
I am now getting in a situation where some pants are getting to big and I even have a pair of jeans on that I could not get into a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to start seeing the difference instead of just feeling the difference. I am even getting comments that people are starting to notice! This is very helpful to keep me on track. I have a pair of paints that are about 1 more size to small then I am now and I try them on every week and I almost have the buttoned! I think another 15 pounds and I will be able to wear them out. In fact these are the paints I want to wear out for my birthday! They are super cute and white so watch out!
I do have some concerns with no be able to workout. I can't believe I am saying this but I kinda miss it. I used it as something to clear my head and to have some time to myself. But I think as long as I keep my calories down I should be ok. I really think as hot as it is I could just stand outside for a hour and just sweat and maybe that would work. I know, I know, it is not that easy!
But I am feeling good knowing that I am on the right track and I can't tell you what a difference just 17 pounds makes in the way I walk and the way I feel. So onward and upward I will go!
Till Tomorrow!
H
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)